Gerry's Corner

The Psychology Behind Remaining in Toxic Relationships Have you ever known someone — a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance — who’s essentially stuck in a romantic relationship that’s unhealthy? And when I say unhealthy , I’m not referencing circumstantial discord and bumps in the road; it’s more of an inherent lack of compatibility where troubling, or even disturbing , issues ensue. Chances are, many of us have heard accounts of toxic relationships that continue to persist. Granted, as an outsider, we never truly know what another’s relationship is like on a day-to-day basis, nor are we privy to their emotional intimacies on a deeper level; however, the ‘outsider perspective’ also allows us to listen and observe from a clean slate; from a place of clarity. Whether it’s a sad and unfortunate case of emotional abuse, or whether you consistently hear (from one or both parties) that there’s fundamental differences and real chronic problems, these romantic relat...

THE SILENT KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS I have a temper. It’s something I work on, but it’s not something I try to hide. I talk openly about having one and how I try to control it or, at the very least, express it appropriately. I used to know rage well — and not just the road variety either. My anger comes out less these days, but not because I don’t feel it. Every day, there’s a fresh news story reminding me that people, women in particular, have plenty of reasons for rage. But what I’ve found interesting over the years is that my anger when unleashed might be a fearsome thing, but it’s not as dangerous as my quiet. I was in so many relationships where worry was directed at my anger, not my silence. Arguments were seen as potential problems, but my silence was ignored. I never deployed silence as a tactic. It wasn’t a cold shoulder in response to offending behavior. Silence, for me, was the place where I went when all my emotions collided into something so much l...